Prepare Thyself for Merriment - the Maryland Renaissance Festival

My friends Cameron and Lindsay Sanders invited me to attend the “Maryland Renaissance Festival” with them back in September. I had never been to a “RenFest” (as I learned to call it after overhearing some hardcore fans refer to the festival) but I felt it was worth a shot. I also remember a lot of references to renaissance festivals on the show Gilmore Girls. In any event I was not going to miss out on an exciting day of medieval fun.

When Cameron and Lindsay picked me up, there was a guy sitting in the front seat. At first I though they were trying to casually set me up, but no such luck. The guy turned out to be married so I didn’t bother remembering his name. I know that sounds callous, but I have to remember so many names that I am not going to waste my time on some guy that I will never date. No offense dude.

The first thing I remember about the RenFest is the absolute culture shock I experienced. It was surreal and that doesn’t even begin to describe how out of sorts I felt. I cannot believe how much effort people put into getting medieval. They must spend hundreds of dollars on outfits and accessories. Personally I would rather shop at Nordstrom than at a booth at a renaissance festival – but I have my own weird stuff that I do so I am not really in a position to judge. The details that go into the clothing are astounding. The whole festival carries the gravitas of a Goth prom. I left being very impressed by peoples commitment to the Renaissance. One thing I would like eliminate from the RenFest is the bad, fake British accent. It was painful…please just speak in your native accent. A good costume will compensate for the fact that you are not really from 16th Century Britain.

I guess what shocked me most is that I had no idea that this subculture existed. I had heard of renaissance faires but I never knew anyone that attended. I guess this explains all those students that liked to fake swordfight on the lawns at BYU. I also found it kind of refreshing that all these people have found a way to embrace their love of Henry VIII, drinking horns, jousting, and bralessness.

There is also a very predominate “bimbo” subset of the RenFest crowd. So many women saw this as an opportunity to wear little to no clothing. Every culture has their tramp contingent so I shouldn’t have been too surprised. What was strange is that so many people put a lot of effort into wearing so few clothes. I would also venture to say that Renaissance clothing is particularly challenging for the busty gal.

Overall I had a really good time, far better than I expected. Lindsay and I got massages (from local massage therapists so it wasn’t creepy) in this lovely grove of trees. Cameron and the other guy got to see jousting and sword fighting.

I also learned a lot about entertainment and history while I was there. Primarily:
• In olden times, all food was served on sticks. This includes but is not limited to turkey, macaroni and cheese, chicken, fruit, and cheesecake.
• People really like tricks that include swords and whips. I guess that helps to explain some of the appeal to men of the Indiana Jones series. I think for women it is just a young Harrison Ford in a fedora. Yum.
• Medieval humor can actually be funny and quite bawdy. I guess some things that are funny never change.
• Guys find anything made for a woman out of chainmail sexy.
• Drinking horns are far too expensive.

Thanks again to Lindsay and Cameron for the invite. I had a blast. Shelley was so disappointed that she couldn’t go. Maybe next year Cameron and Shelley can go to the RenFest while Lindsay and I go shopping at the Ikea near by. Sound like a good time for everyone.